Not lost, just desperate.

Sometimes, I do feel like I'm lost even though I'm not. You can provide me a campus. You can sponsor me the flight tickets. You can console me. You can do whatever that makes me feel happy. But, those methods do not help much.

For what? He's so far away from me, I've no power to control what he wants to do. He wants to live in his own way. He involves himself in parties, beers and fraternity. He is enjoying his life. Although he was so good to you, come on, he's just a 20 years old boy. Why did you take thing so serious, bunny? The commitments were craps. Plus, you are far apart from him now, he has the ability and the right to do this. Why? Oh, Ello, who do you think you are, bunny? He's being so selfish. True. I actually mean nothing to him. I received the message he wanted to deliver just that I don't want to admit this is happening and try to deny.

I'm stressed. Tons of assignment to be done, fortunately I can still handle them. Try to make friend with Mr.Busy, this fellow is not really helpful though. He can only accompany for some period. Okay. I know where does the stress come from. This invisible thing is torturing me mentally and physically. Thought that I was able to get rid of it, perhaps by drinking alcohol? Nope. Martini couldn't numb my sadness and it failed to make me got drunk. I even danced like a mad slutty bitch on the stage, ignored the audiences, but still useless. That Thursday night, was 4th of November, if we are still friendly footing, that would be our 4 moths anniversary. The day, I could still barely see him stood in the crowd, the tallest one among the people, looked and smiled at me like what he did few months ago.

Bunny, that was just illusion and your imagination. To be true, he wasn't there. Bunny, he wasn't there! You were mad bunny. You were.

My current feeling is so indescribable. Hold me tight, please? Or maybe, lend me a shoulder. I will pay you.